How we opened our hearts to open adoption

As I have mentioned before, there are many questions you ask yourself and are asked when you are going through infertility treatments and adoption. One of those questions was “how open you are to open adoption?”.

This question created more questions for us. The idea of an open adoption was scary to us. We were worried about things like the birth mom or parents wanting the child back, or our child liking the birth mother better, or having to travel to meet the birth mom. Will it be harder for the baby to bond with and attach to our family, how will it impact our ability to discipline our child? Will it confuse our child? Will they just come visit whenever they want? Of course we ultimately want what’s best for our child, the birth parent(s) and us. We quickly realized just how uneducated we were on open adoption. Time for more research!

What is open adoption? In simple terms, it is an adoption process that involves contact between the adoptive parents and biological parents. The fact that the birth parent(s) will be choosing us makes it an open adoption. Every open adoption is different and based on what the different parties involved have agreed to. If you have seen our website, this is why we told the expectant mother that we are open to what ever she is open to as far as future contact. No contact will happen that we aren’t all in agreement and comfortable with. It is a fluid relationship that changes shape as it progresses like any other relationship. Some adoptive families talk to their birth parent(s) every day, and the birth parent(s) visit them regularly. Some families only communicate via email once a month or so. Every open adoption is based on what all parties involved are comfortable with. No one is doing anything they don’t want to, and in most situations they become like an extended family, and who doesn’t love a big family? Not all adoptions are that open, but they can be, and all parties seem to benefit from the relationship.        

What does the research say? The evidence clearly shows that open adoptions have several advantages, and is better for the child. Adopted children have many questions, and open adoption affords them the opportunity to get the answers. Given our medical backgrounds, we like the fact that we will be able to learn all about the child’s family medical history. Once we learned that open adoption was better for our child, it was a no brainer!