The Great Equalizer

What do a passionate and loyal war veteran from Texas, a loving and determined Packers fan from Wisconsin, and a creative and compassionate housewife from California have in common? They all want to be moms. Not just any moms, adoptive moms. 

Crystal, Shelli, and Kristen would have never crossed paths if it wasn't  for the amazing, wonderful, stressful journey that is adoption. Each has struggled, along with their husbands, with different stories of infertility. Each has imagined holding a child in their arms. Each couple has opened their hearts to open adoption, with the goal of a healthy, happy, and supportive relationship with an expectant mom. Each is waiting for a phone call and a dream to come true. 

While they wait, they wait actively. Between Crystal's schedule as a registrar and Certified Nursing Assistant in Wisconsin, Shelli's work as a Nurse Anesthetist in Texas, and Kristen's work as a volunteer and homemaker in California, they have all made time to connect and support one another through social media. They share resources, advice, and inspiration. After meeting through their individual blogs, each was inspired by the others. Now each one shares the other's stories on community Facebook pages and regularly leaves encouraging comments on posts. If one finds a helpful resource they pass it on. For them, there is nothing competitive about adoption. Crystal, Shelli, and Kristen all want to be mothers and all want the others to achieve the same dream.

For each woman, adoption means pure love. While in time, each will become a mother through adoption, for now social media has allowed them to become friends. Facebook, Twitter, and blogging are fast becoming widely used tools in connecting expectant moms with waiting families. Using these tools, each of these woman feel connected to the children they haven't yet met. They can also provide expectant moms with information and a means of support and contact. Social media, to them, feels  like a way to reach out and comfort one another through the uncertainty.

Crystal and Her husband Chad met through social media and now, after being

Crystal and Chad (Picture by Oh! Photography)

 married a little over two years, hope to expand their family the same way. After trying to conceive for about two years they felt led to adoption and have been waiting for their call for four months. Here's what Crystal writes about how social media has helped her. "The support I have found on Facebook and other social media sights including Twitter, Pinterest, and Blogger, has been amazing. When you put yourself out there and make yourself available, you will find there are a lot more people like you. I have seen struggles, shared in happiness, and asked for advice on many social networking sites. All of which have been such a blessing. Shelli, Kristen, and I offer each other advice, are an ear when needed, and share stories and offer support whenever possible. It's nice to know there are people going through the same struggles as you. That you're not "not normal". If there is any advice I could give through this whole process it is to reach out to families and friends who are experiencing infertility, loss, or going through the waiting period of adoption. You are not alone. Be sensitive and be available. Sometimes, your ear is all that is needed. " In preparation for their adoption, Crystal and Chad's families have thrown them baby showers and are all very excited and supportive. Crystal frequently posts updates and inspirational encouragements on their adoption Facebook page "Waiting For Baby Brown". Chad and Crystal were also recently featured on their local news station through a connection Crystal made on Twitter. They receive constant support through social media and couldn't be happier to accept it.

Shelli and Adam

Shelli and Adam met as army reservists and have been married a year and a half. Both knew going into marriage that starting a family would be a challenge. They tried IVF but ultimately knew adoption was the path for them. They have been on their adoption journey for five months and are very excited to be parents. Here's what Shelli writes about her experiences with social media and adoption. "Social media has been surprisingly helpful. I have had some very good advice and words of encouragement from some very surprising sources. It is also a nice outlet for my energy during the wait. It helps me feel like I am doing something. Becoming a family is a process with many emotions. It is definitely a roller coaster ride of ups and downs! I can empathize with anyone that wants to be a mother, and I know what it is like to reach out to others for support. That is why I have not hesitated to offer support to others when I can. I found Crystal and Kristen through their blogs and felt an immediate connection to their stories. I don’t know who is helping whom more! I know there are babies out there for all of us, and I am looking forward to seeing God’s plans for us." To prepare for their future as parents through adoption, they have read books and blog, and have attended multiple webinars on adoption. Shelli also writes on their blog "We Love St. Patrick's Day" and frequently posts to their Facebook page of the same title. Shelli is grateful to have support through social media while she and Adam wait for their little one to come home.

Kristen and Josh

Kristen and Josh are high school sweethearts married for seven years. After many years of fertility struggles and losses they have found hope and peace in adoption. For them, the goal is parenthood, not pregnancy. Here is what Kristen writes about social media and the adoption process. "We have been waiting for our little one to come home for about a year and half now, but it's only been in recent months that I've used social media to broaden our exposure. We are taking the viewpoint that we should pray like it depends on God and act like it depends on us. While we totally trust and acknowledge God's timing and plan for our family, there's no reason to sit around and do nothing. Social media has been an outlet for me to connect with other people in the adoption community, learn about different adoption stories (because no two are alike), and connect with and support other families during the wait. Blogging especially has been a great tool to focus on my blessings and share our trials. I feel particularly blessed to have met Crystal and Shelli. Knowing that we are connected through our desire to be mothers and that we likely would have never met if we weren't on the same adoption road, is amazing to me. The three of us are so different and so the same. Adoption is the great equalizer!" While they wait for parenthood, Kristen and Josh enjoy making videos about their adoption process on YouTube (Josh&Kristen WantToAdopt). Kristen also writes a blog called"Adoption Love" and posts to a Facebook community page of the same title. Social media has provided a great outlet, source of comfort, and a way to keep friends and family updated on their adoption journey.

To some, social media may seem cold and impersonal, but to these three woman and many others waiting to be parents through adoption, it's a way to reach out. To them it has become a kind of "nesting" as they prepare to grow their families. These unlikely friends have connected through social media and support one another through their "paper pregnancies".

- See more at: http://joshandkrisloveadoption.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-great-equalizer.html#sthash.cfqwVA5j.dpuf

How we opened our hearts to open adoption

As I have mentioned before, there are many questions you ask yourself and are asked when you are going through infertility treatments and adoption. One of those questions was “how open you are to open adoption?”.

This question created more questions for us. The idea of an open adoption was scary to us. We were worried about things like the birth mom or parents wanting the child back, or our child liking the birth mother better, or having to travel to meet the birth mom. Will it be harder for the baby to bond with and attach to our family, how will it impact our ability to discipline our child? Will it confuse our child? Will they just come visit whenever they want? Of course we ultimately want what’s best for our child, the birth parent(s) and us. We quickly realized just how uneducated we were on open adoption. Time for more research!

What is open adoption? In simple terms, it is an adoption process that involves contact between the adoptive parents and biological parents. The fact that the birth parent(s) will be choosing us makes it an open adoption. Every open adoption is different and based on what the different parties involved have agreed to. If you have seen our website, this is why we told the expectant mother that we are open to what ever she is open to as far as future contact. No contact will happen that we aren’t all in agreement and comfortable with. It is a fluid relationship that changes shape as it progresses like any other relationship. Some adoptive families talk to their birth parent(s) every day, and the birth parent(s) visit them regularly. Some families only communicate via email once a month or so. Every open adoption is based on what all parties involved are comfortable with. No one is doing anything they don’t want to, and in most situations they become like an extended family, and who doesn’t love a big family? Not all adoptions are that open, but they can be, and all parties seem to benefit from the relationship.        

What does the research say? The evidence clearly shows that open adoptions have several advantages, and is better for the child. Adopted children have many questions, and open adoption affords them the opportunity to get the answers. Given our medical backgrounds, we like the fact that we will be able to learn all about the child’s family medical history. Once we learned that open adoption was better for our child, it was a no brainer!

9/11 The Day That Changed Everything

I was in St. Louis, MO on my way to class for my nursing degree. Adam was at home in Arkansas, also in nursing school with classes later in the day. This was many years before we would meet, and many things would take place in our lives before our paths would cross because of what happened on 9/11.
I was called to active duty on 2/14/03, one day after passing my nursing boards. My deployment started in March 2003 and ended August 2004. Adam's deployment started February 2003 and ended April 2004. His nursing school would have to be put on hold until he returned. He served as a medic on an ambulance crew in Iraq, and I was a construction equipment operator in Iraq.

We were in many of the same places in Iraq, which is one of the many interesting coincidences in our lives before we finally met. We grew up an hour away from each other, and because we both lived in small towns we shopped at the same mall and went to the same restaurants. Then, I moved to St. Louis, and graduated nurse anesthesia school on 12/12/09 (the exact same day as Adam) nine months later we were both deployed to Ft. Hood, TX to fill in as CRNAs for active duty nurse anesthetists who were deployed to Afghanistan. Before I left for Ft. Hood, I learned that my new friend from work who went to anesthesia school in Little Rock had a friend that was also going to be sent to Ft. Hood, Adam. That's how and when our paths finally crossed. After years of being so close, but never meeting, we finally met!

Dear Expectant Mother...

We look forward to getting to know you and your hopes for your child. We are open to whatever future contact you are comfortable with. We are both nurse anesthetists and enjoy our jobs. We are a devoted, financially stable, college educated couple with a lot of love to give to our first child. 

Walking the dogs by the pond near our house

Picking Tomatoes on the Farm

Trail Run!

We met while we were deployed to Texas as nurse anesthetists in the Army Reserves. We immediately became friends and have been inseparable ever since. We have been in the Army Reserves 16 years and we look forward to retiring with Army benefits in four years!
Together we enjoy doing CrossFit and running. We love being outdoors, especially in or on the water. We also enjoy spending quiet nights at home watching TV. We make it a point to eat supper at the table every night. We both sing in the car and at church even though neither of us is really all that good.

Our home!

We live in a two-story, four bedroom house with both a game room and a media room. Our home is on a full acre on a quiet street near Dallas. Our neighborhood is near parks, water parks, amusement parks, zoos, aquarium, and lakes. The nursery is near our master bedroom although the baby will stay with us in our room at first.

Most of our family is in Southern Arkansas and Houston. We get together as often as we can and enjoy traditions like lunch together after church, getting together for Christmas or New Years and a creative gift exchange that has a different theme every year.
We regularly celebrate milestones and birthdays together and enjoy going to new places and trying new things. Our whole family is excited about our 

We play lots of games with Shelli's family

                        plans to adopt.

Annual family float trip

We eat lots of good food with Adam's family

Someone asked us recently: “What would you most want a woman thinking about adoption to know about you?” As much as we’d love to tell you everything about us and our dreams of raising a family, what stands out the most in our hearts is our promise to love and accept your child unconditionally, and to offer a great home with laughter and an opportunity to seek higher education. You are important to us too and we welcome the chance to know you and stay in touch as you are comfortable.
Family is so precious to us. We want to adopt again in the future, so your child will have siblings to grow up with as well.
Thank you for learning about us. We wish you and your baby the best! 

                                                                                       Sincerely,
                                                                                       Adam and Shelli