Why we chose adoption

We knew when we started dating that we would most likely have a difficult time getting pregnant based on my history. We have talked about adoption since we met. We always knew we would be happy to adopt, and we have no doubts that we could love any child as our own. We started in-vitro fertilization (IVF) about six months after we were married. Our plan was to give IVF two tries and then move on to adoption. After three, we were very ready to close that chapter and move forward with adoption.

In-vitro fertilization is an extremely difficult undertaking. We did not realize there were so many different ways to do IVF, which is why we tried a third time. We tried a different medication regimen each time, and added an extra procedure to the third try hoping that it would result in a baby. Everyone's threshold for infertility treatments is different and deeply personal for each couple. I like to think that I am a tough person, but we both felt we couldn’t handle another IVF treatment emotionally, and physically. Plus, we were out of money. With IVF you are not guaranteed to get a baby, with adoption, you will become a parent. It just may take longer than you would like. Adoption costs, which vary widely, are about as much as two IVF treatments and will result in a baby. We personally liked that better than spending the money on two more IVFs with no guarantee that it would work. Especially since they didn’t know why IVF wasn’t working for us. 

One of the many questions you are asked and ask yourself while you are dealing with infertility is; which is more important, having a genetic child, or being parents? For us, we just want to be parents. After grieving the loss of our fertility, with no known cause of my infertility, we are 100% dedicated to becoming a family through adoption.

I started researching adoption during our 3rd IVF attempt. It always helped me to have a back up plan during our IVF cycle even though most of the time the back up plan changed. You can do all the pre-planning you want, but until you are in the situation all ramped up on hormones, facing yet another negative pregnancy test, you can't say what you will do for sure. You have to be extremely patient and flexible! There are many decisions to make while you are trying to become a family through infertility treatments and adoption.