I want to teach my child to...

Another one of the many questions we have been asked during our adoption journey is “What do you want to teach your child?”.

My first thought was hmmmm, I’ve never really thought about that…. Which was my initial thought to many of the questions we were asked. What would you say? Would your pre-baby answer be different from your post-baby answer?

I think we feel like most prospective parents, and we mostly want our children to be happy and successful. What do I want to teach my child? What do I want my child to know because I am their mom? Wait… I am over thinking this as usual! What did I enjoy as a child? I know. I want to teach my child to swim, ride bikes, do cartwheels, and chase lightening bugs!

Adam thought about his answer and said he wants to teach his child to be a good Christian person that is respectful, and how to smile and get whatever they want. I thought, really? That’s what you want to say? Teach our child how to smile and get whatever they want? The more I thought about it, the more I realized how perfect that is for my husband to say. My husband is one of the nicest, most sincere people I know. He is very good at smiling and getting whatever he wants! Not just because of his adorable smile, but because of his caring heart and positive attitude.

The first book we bought for our baby and my best friend's teddy bear she painted for me in high school!

My baby blanket! It's been well loved.

My books from when I was a child!

I painted this in high school and I have been waiting to have a baby room to put it in ever since!

Adam's childhood teddybear from his great grandmother! It makes a jingling noise when you move it. 

How we opened our hearts to open adoption

As I have mentioned before, there are many questions you ask yourself and are asked when you are going through infertility treatments and adoption. One of those questions was “how open you are to open adoption?”.

This question created more questions for us. The idea of an open adoption was scary to us. We were worried about things like the birth mom or parents wanting the child back, or our child liking the birth mother better, or having to travel to meet the birth mom. Will it be harder for the baby to bond with and attach to our family, how will it impact our ability to discipline our child? Will it confuse our child? Will they just come visit whenever they want? Of course we ultimately want what’s best for our child, the birth parent(s) and us. We quickly realized just how uneducated we were on open adoption. Time for more research!

What is open adoption? In simple terms, it is an adoption process that involves contact between the adoptive parents and biological parents. The fact that the birth parent(s) will be choosing us makes it an open adoption. Every open adoption is different and based on what the different parties involved have agreed to. If you have seen our website, this is why we told the expectant mother that we are open to what ever she is open to as far as future contact. No contact will happen that we aren’t all in agreement and comfortable with. It is a fluid relationship that changes shape as it progresses like any other relationship. Some adoptive families talk to their birth parent(s) every day, and the birth parent(s) visit them regularly. Some families only communicate via email once a month or so. Every open adoption is based on what all parties involved are comfortable with. No one is doing anything they don’t want to, and in most situations they become like an extended family, and who doesn’t love a big family? Not all adoptions are that open, but they can be, and all parties seem to benefit from the relationship.        

What does the research say? The evidence clearly shows that open adoptions have several advantages, and is better for the child. Adopted children have many questions, and open adoption affords them the opportunity to get the answers. Given our medical backgrounds, we like the fact that we will be able to learn all about the child’s family medical history. Once we learned that open adoption was better for our child, it was a no brainer!

My Husband, Adam

Adam has a huge heart and will do anything for friends and family. He is laid back, sincere, and genuine. He is very loving and is always there for me. He shows me things in a new perspective on a regular basis.

Sailing

I love Adam’s big smile and the fact that he is very ticklish. He is very funny and we laugh all the time. He surprises me with sweet things like a bouquet of flowers and nice notes. He treats me well and will do the same for a child.

Adam loves to make the yard look good!

Adam also enjoys yard work, hunting, working on small projects around the house, grilling and spending time with friends and family. I am lucky to be Adam’s wife! 

3 Things I love about Adam:
 smile loyalty calm demeanor 

Driving the dinghy

Ladder Golf!

Our Adoption Profile

Our profile is complete and will be printed out this week! It was worth the wait. Lifetime did a great job with it, and I can't wait to share it with expectant moms.

When are we going to have a baby?

Only God knows the answer to that. Now that our home study is complete, it could be as soon as tomorrow (some women call Lifetime from the hospital) or more than a year from now. It all depends on when we get matched with a birth mom. Birth mothers are usually about seven months pregnant when they are matched with an adoptive couple, but no earlier than five months. Lifetime has been presenting us to birth moms since June with a temporary profile. Our official profile should be finished soon. A profile is basically a scrapbook with pictures and a letter to the birth mother or birth parents from us. It tries to describe what life would be like for their child if they choose us. It is a more detailed version of what appears on our website. So, now we wait for a birth mother or parents to decide that they want to talk to us. We then set up an agreeable time, and they call us on a 1-800 # we have set up. After that conversation we both tell Lifetime if we would like to be “matched”. If we both say yes, then we are considered match, and that is the baby that will be ours! We are really excited for this next step and we pray for God to bring us together with the right birth mother for us. 

Why we chose adoption

We knew when we started dating that we would most likely have a difficult time getting pregnant based on my history. We have talked about adoption since we met. We always knew we would be happy to adopt, and we have no doubts that we could love any child as our own. We started in-vitro fertilization (IVF) about six months after we were married. Our plan was to give IVF two tries and then move on to adoption. After three, we were very ready to close that chapter and move forward with adoption.

In-vitro fertilization is an extremely difficult undertaking. We did not realize there were so many different ways to do IVF, which is why we tried a third time. We tried a different medication regimen each time, and added an extra procedure to the third try hoping that it would result in a baby. Everyone's threshold for infertility treatments is different and deeply personal for each couple. I like to think that I am a tough person, but we both felt we couldn’t handle another IVF treatment emotionally, and physically. Plus, we were out of money. With IVF you are not guaranteed to get a baby, with adoption, you will become a parent. It just may take longer than you would like. Adoption costs, which vary widely, are about as much as two IVF treatments and will result in a baby. We personally liked that better than spending the money on two more IVFs with no guarantee that it would work. Especially since they didn’t know why IVF wasn’t working for us. 

One of the many questions you are asked and ask yourself while you are dealing with infertility is; which is more important, having a genetic child, or being parents? For us, we just want to be parents. After grieving the loss of our fertility, with no known cause of my infertility, we are 100% dedicated to becoming a family through adoption.

I started researching adoption during our 3rd IVF attempt. It always helped me to have a back up plan during our IVF cycle even though most of the time the back up plan changed. You can do all the pre-planning you want, but until you are in the situation all ramped up on hormones, facing yet another negative pregnancy test, you can't say what you will do for sure. You have to be extremely patient and flexible! There are many decisions to make while you are trying to become a family through infertility treatments and adoption.