Sailing the British Virgin Islands: The best vacation ever!

Best Vacation Ever!

We went to the British Virgin Islands right after we were married with our good friends, Kellie and Mike. It was hands down the most amazing vacation either of us had ever been on. I was the only one who hadn’t been there before. Lucky for us, Kellie and Mike have been there several times, so they took care of the trip logistics. We were happy to serve as crew for Captain Mike who grew up sailing. Adam and I each had some sailing experience prior to this trip, but neither of us knows enough to dream of chartering a 40’ sailboat with just the two of us. So, it worked out great and was an amazing trip. We have wanted to go back since before we left. With infertility treatments, moving to another state, and paying adoption fees, we haven’t been able to go on a vacation since.

Catching the Mooring Ball

We have decided to take sailing lessons and go back to the British Virgin Islands for our coastal cruising sailing class this April. After which, we will be able to charter a sailboat from many different locations throughout the world! We are doing this for several reasons. 1. We really love the freedom and unique experience this kind of vacation offers. 2. It’s something we want to do with our future child(ren) and friends and family. 3. Distraction! We are going a bit stir crazy waiting to be matched with our future child. It is nearly impossible to think about anything else. It takes a lot of work to plan a trip like this, much more than I realized, which gives us something else to spend our time and energy on. This trip also gives us something to look forward to. Win-win! A BIG thank you to Mike and Kellie for doing all the hard work on our last trip. We look forward to returning the favor!

British Virgin Islands; The Baths, Virgin Gorda

We did book trip insurance so we can get most of our trip cost back if we do get matched with a little one and have to cancel. We had to pay extra because adoption isn’t a qualifying reason to cancel a vacation, go figure…

It’s going to be a fun experience that we look forward to sharing with you. Our first sailing class on a boat is in March. I am taking a sailing navigation class every Thursday evening that lasts 6 weeks starting in January!

Look familiar? This is the picture on the back of our adoption card!

Nesting… sort of

I'm not an artist, but I wanted to paint something for the baby's room. Something that was meaningful and representative of us. After thinking about it for a while, I came up with a line from one of our favorite songs. Even If It Breaks Your Heart by one of our favorite bands, the Eli Young Band.
We first heard Eli Young Band when we were deployed to Ft. Hood, TX in 2010. One of our friends told us we had to go hear this great band. He was right, they were/are amazing!
As a couple struggling to start our family, the song Even If It Breaks Your Heart really strikes a chord with us. There our many heartbreaks along this journey, but we know we must Keep On Dreamin'.

We are going to have a happy holiday!

It started on Halloween with all of those cute pictures of everyone's children in costumes. I wasn't expecting Halloween to make me sad, it completely caught me off guard. Seeing those pictures made me immediately think about how I don't have a child to dress up and post pictures of. I shrugged it off and moved on because November was busy, and I was able to stay distracted. Things have quieted down, and Thanksgiving is here with Christmas soon to follow.

It is so easy to focus on the negative things. To think about how there is no extra stocking this year or "baby's first Christmas" ornaments. In an attempt to think about the positive instead, I think back to last year. At least we won't be sneaking away to give me those horrible injections while visiting family, and we won't be faced with a negative pregnancy test on Christmas Day again this year. Except, those things aren't exactly positive either.

Instead we have decided to focus on what we have now, and what matters. We are extremely blessed and we get to spend time with both families this year! That is definitely a positive. We are going to make the most of our circumstances and enjoy this holiday season as a couple. We are choosing to be happy now while we wait for what we want rather than insisting that we can't be happy until we get it.

We are so thankful for all of your prayers and support. We know it is through your prayers that we are able to find peace while we wait to meet the baby God has for us. 

We look forward to seeing all of your holiday family pictures! Here is ours. 

Hopefully there will be a little one in our picture next year!

Merry Christmas!

Adoption Prayer Bracelet

This is my adoption prayer bracelet! It may just seem like a pretty bracelet, but it is so much more than that. I purchased it from http://myadoptionprayer.com, and the proceeds benefit birth mothers. There are different colors you can chose from. I chose sea glass because I love the ocean, and my favorite color is blue! This bracelet has eight large beads which to me represent our eight embryos that were created during our three IVF attempts. We believe that life begins at conception, and we wanted our embryos to have names. This bracelet reminds me to pray without ceasing for our adoption, and represents our eight lost embryos. 

We love you, Alex, Shelby, Ray, Jesse, Terry, Lee, Riley, and Jody.

Adoption is not easy

I have done several difficult things in my life and it is always the same. People tell you it is hard. So you think OK, it’s hard, but I can do hard. Then you start doing it, and you think, wow, this is hard. Then someone asks you what it’s like, so of course you tell them… It’s hard.
     Adoption is all about love. However, that love does not happen without loss on both sides. I don’t want to try to speak for an expectant mom that has or is considering placing her child for adoption, but I know it is a loss.
As a future adoptive parent in my situation it means a loss of fertility, loss of a genetic child, loss of control, and the loss of the experience of being pregnant to say the least.
     Loss of fertility is a shock to say the least. My mom is an identical twin. They have seven daughters between the two of them and I am the only one that has never been pregnant. They each have at least two so, I never thought I would struggle with infertility.
     I know that I will be able to love any child as my own, so the loss of a genetic child isn’t that difficult to me. I truly have no doubt about the love I will have for my child. It does make me sad that as a family we won’t be able to discuss whom the child got what from. It seems every time you get around a young child, every one loves to discuss who they remind them of in the family. You have your daddy’s eyes, but your mom’s smile, etc.
     Not being in control is a big one for me. Everything I have ever wanted I was able to get by working harder or trying harder. There isn’t anything I can do to make our match happen any faster. I know it will happen when it is supposed to. When we are matched I won’t be able to control what my baby is exposed to in utero, but I know the baby will be taken care of because the birth mother loves them as much as I will.
     I will never get to experience being pregnant either. I’ve always felt like I would be very sick if I ever did get pregnant, so I really wasn’t looking forward to that, but I have spent more time daydreaming about the different ways I would share the news with my husband and family than I care to admit. I will also never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside of me.
     All that being said, I know it will be worth it when we have our child. Thank you all for your prayer and support. Please continue to pray for us, and our future birth mom(s)!

I want to teach my child to...

Another one of the many questions we have been asked during our adoption journey is “What do you want to teach your child?”.

My first thought was hmmmm, I’ve never really thought about that…. Which was my initial thought to many of the questions we were asked. What would you say? Would your pre-baby answer be different from your post-baby answer?

I think we feel like most prospective parents, and we mostly want our children to be happy and successful. What do I want to teach my child? What do I want my child to know because I am their mom? Wait… I am over thinking this as usual! What did I enjoy as a child? I know. I want to teach my child to swim, ride bikes, do cartwheels, and chase lightening bugs!

Adam thought about his answer and said he wants to teach his child to be a good Christian person that is respectful, and how to smile and get whatever they want. I thought, really? That’s what you want to say? Teach our child how to smile and get whatever they want? The more I thought about it, the more I realized how perfect that is for my husband to say. My husband is one of the nicest, most sincere people I know. He is very good at smiling and getting whatever he wants! Not just because of his adorable smile, but because of his caring heart and positive attitude.

The first book we bought for our baby and my best friend's teddy bear she painted for me in high school!

My baby blanket! It's been well loved.

My books from when I was a child!

I painted this in high school and I have been waiting to have a baby room to put it in ever since!

Adam's childhood teddybear from his great grandmother! It makes a jingling noise when you move it. 

The Great Equalizer

What do a passionate and loyal war veteran from Texas, a loving and determined Packers fan from Wisconsin, and a creative and compassionate housewife from California have in common? They all want to be moms. Not just any moms, adoptive moms. 

Crystal, Shelli, and Kristen would have never crossed paths if it wasn't  for the amazing, wonderful, stressful journey that is adoption. Each has struggled, along with their husbands, with different stories of infertility. Each has imagined holding a child in their arms. Each couple has opened their hearts to open adoption, with the goal of a healthy, happy, and supportive relationship with an expectant mom. Each is waiting for a phone call and a dream to come true. 

While they wait, they wait actively. Between Crystal's schedule as a registrar and Certified Nursing Assistant in Wisconsin, Shelli's work as a Nurse Anesthetist in Texas, and Kristen's work as a volunteer and homemaker in California, they have all made time to connect and support one another through social media. They share resources, advice, and inspiration. After meeting through their individual blogs, each was inspired by the others. Now each one shares the other's stories on community Facebook pages and regularly leaves encouraging comments on posts. If one finds a helpful resource they pass it on. For them, there is nothing competitive about adoption. Crystal, Shelli, and Kristen all want to be mothers and all want the others to achieve the same dream.

For each woman, adoption means pure love. While in time, each will become a mother through adoption, for now social media has allowed them to become friends. Facebook, Twitter, and blogging are fast becoming widely used tools in connecting expectant moms with waiting families. Using these tools, each of these woman feel connected to the children they haven't yet met. They can also provide expectant moms with information and a means of support and contact. Social media, to them, feels  like a way to reach out and comfort one another through the uncertainty.

Crystal and Her husband Chad met through social media and now, after being

Crystal and Chad (Picture by Oh! Photography)

 married a little over two years, hope to expand their family the same way. After trying to conceive for about two years they felt led to adoption and have been waiting for their call for four months. Here's what Crystal writes about how social media has helped her. "The support I have found on Facebook and other social media sights including Twitter, Pinterest, and Blogger, has been amazing. When you put yourself out there and make yourself available, you will find there are a lot more people like you. I have seen struggles, shared in happiness, and asked for advice on many social networking sites. All of which have been such a blessing. Shelli, Kristen, and I offer each other advice, are an ear when needed, and share stories and offer support whenever possible. It's nice to know there are people going through the same struggles as you. That you're not "not normal". If there is any advice I could give through this whole process it is to reach out to families and friends who are experiencing infertility, loss, or going through the waiting period of adoption. You are not alone. Be sensitive and be available. Sometimes, your ear is all that is needed. " In preparation for their adoption, Crystal and Chad's families have thrown them baby showers and are all very excited and supportive. Crystal frequently posts updates and inspirational encouragements on their adoption Facebook page "Waiting For Baby Brown". Chad and Crystal were also recently featured on their local news station through a connection Crystal made on Twitter. They receive constant support through social media and couldn't be happier to accept it.

Shelli and Adam

Shelli and Adam met as army reservists and have been married a year and a half. Both knew going into marriage that starting a family would be a challenge. They tried IVF but ultimately knew adoption was the path for them. They have been on their adoption journey for five months and are very excited to be parents. Here's what Shelli writes about her experiences with social media and adoption. "Social media has been surprisingly helpful. I have had some very good advice and words of encouragement from some very surprising sources. It is also a nice outlet for my energy during the wait. It helps me feel like I am doing something. Becoming a family is a process with many emotions. It is definitely a roller coaster ride of ups and downs! I can empathize with anyone that wants to be a mother, and I know what it is like to reach out to others for support. That is why I have not hesitated to offer support to others when I can. I found Crystal and Kristen through their blogs and felt an immediate connection to their stories. I don’t know who is helping whom more! I know there are babies out there for all of us, and I am looking forward to seeing God’s plans for us." To prepare for their future as parents through adoption, they have read books and blog, and have attended multiple webinars on adoption. Shelli also writes on their blog "We Love St. Patrick's Day" and frequently posts to their Facebook page of the same title. Shelli is grateful to have support through social media while she and Adam wait for their little one to come home.

Kristen and Josh

Kristen and Josh are high school sweethearts married for seven years. After many years of fertility struggles and losses they have found hope and peace in adoption. For them, the goal is parenthood, not pregnancy. Here is what Kristen writes about social media and the adoption process. "We have been waiting for our little one to come home for about a year and half now, but it's only been in recent months that I've used social media to broaden our exposure. We are taking the viewpoint that we should pray like it depends on God and act like it depends on us. While we totally trust and acknowledge God's timing and plan for our family, there's no reason to sit around and do nothing. Social media has been an outlet for me to connect with other people in the adoption community, learn about different adoption stories (because no two are alike), and connect with and support other families during the wait. Blogging especially has been a great tool to focus on my blessings and share our trials. I feel particularly blessed to have met Crystal and Shelli. Knowing that we are connected through our desire to be mothers and that we likely would have never met if we weren't on the same adoption road, is amazing to me. The three of us are so different and so the same. Adoption is the great equalizer!" While they wait for parenthood, Kristen and Josh enjoy making videos about their adoption process on YouTube (Josh&Kristen WantToAdopt). Kristen also writes a blog called"Adoption Love" and posts to a Facebook community page of the same title. Social media has provided a great outlet, source of comfort, and a way to keep friends and family updated on their adoption journey.

To some, social media may seem cold and impersonal, but to these three woman and many others waiting to be parents through adoption, it's a way to reach out. To them it has become a kind of "nesting" as they prepare to grow their families. These unlikely friends have connected through social media and support one another through their "paper pregnancies".

- See more at: http://joshandkrisloveadoption.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-great-equalizer.html#sthash.cfqwVA5j.dpuf