I'm scared….

I'm scared our adoption is never going to happen, and I'm scared it is. I'm scared I won't be a good mom. I'm scared of a failed match. I'm scared of offending someone with what I share on these blogs. I'm scared of being judged by those that read my blogs. I'm scared I'm never going to stop crying at least once a month when I'm faced with the reality that I still have less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant. 
This fear has kept me from doing things like buying stuff for the baby, picking out a theme for the nursery, or having a baby shower (something I've dreamed of having for years). 
My desire to adopt a baby and be a momma has pushed me to face my fears and do things like start this blog, create an adoption Facebook page, and mail out cards letting friends and family know that we are adopting (while begging them to share our adoption cards). It's not east to put yourself "out there" and become vulnerable like we have. Wanting to be a mom has pushed me beyond my comfort zone, and shown me what my comfort zone is in more ways than I ever imagined. I went into this adoption with the thought that we will try IVF then "just adopt". How naive I was… I didn't think adoption was easy, but I severely underestimated the process. 
After you've filled out multiple questionnaires, been interviewed, inspected, fingerprinted, photographed, written your "dear birth mother" letter, and created your profile, It's not that much of a stretch to just share your story with the whole world. To quote an adoptive mom, it's like going through hell and back to become a parent. 
So, why do we do it? We know that we are meant to be parents, and we have no doubts that we will be able to love any child as our own. I know that God has a plan for us, and I have already seen his hand in our journey. 
Thank you all so much for your prayers, support, and gifts. One advantage to putting your self out there is feeling loved by so many.

Our adoption announcement